It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
