A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
