Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can I color on your dick again?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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