gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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