Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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