I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize