Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Still dying that you shit outside
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
