i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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