I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
