Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
