is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
