You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
handjob tips. give me some.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
