I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
