dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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