Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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