i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
