Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
