if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The beer is more important than you right now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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