Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
