I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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