You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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