He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize