and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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