just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
