wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
