Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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