If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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