can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
