apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
