she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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