her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
