if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
