can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
