did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
