I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
worst night to have a conscience
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
