I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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