At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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