I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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