He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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