Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
