I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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