it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
