he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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