A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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