worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
