I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize