I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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