Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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