And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
