at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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