oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
