My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
