Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
look no pants
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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