im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize