i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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