dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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