Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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