we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
