I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She told me I should be a condom model.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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