He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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