fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
