I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
