I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
