just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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