The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
