Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
