My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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