I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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