I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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