His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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