There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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