There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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