Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
