is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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