remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
