wrigley field is MILF paradise
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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